Lessons Learned

Okay, so I've really been wanting to write about how much I've learned in the past few months. Unfortunately, I haven't written anything down, so I'll have to go by memory. That's not good. My other challenge is to finish this before my battery dies. Who wants to get up to move over by the outlet? Not me.

Some sad things have been going on at my church the last few months, or probably "years" would be more accurate. But I can see God working now, in ways we so don't deserve. He has and is blessing beyond measure. Not because we are worthy or completely righteous, but because He has a plan that will not be changed, and He loves us. Oh how He loves us.

I believe it boils down to the fact that Satan is the father of lies, and he knows his future, and he wants to take as many people down with him as he can. Our God is victorious! And those who are faithful will be triumphant with Him! (I just got back from Bible study and am pumped!) Anyway, the Church's job is to show that we are Christians by our love, by our love...Satan told us all lies about each other, and got us all mad at each other so that we stopped showing love to each other. I for one got so bothered by it all, that I totally had my head in the sand. Not sensitive to anyone else's needs or situations. God convicted me of that. And I do believe some people made some wrong decisions and did not act in a godly manner. And then they led others to behave likewise. That is wrong. But when you believe lies, you can expect to make wrong decisions. I am not excusing anyone for their behavior. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if apologies are made years from now. And I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't.
Anyway, back to what I've learned from it all.

1. God provided manna for the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert. My husband's job was about to have a 70% pay cut. My full-time job is to home school our kids. For me to go back to work would mean a significant change in our family. Lots of decisions, lots of changes. None of it fun. God gave me peace in this time, and said to take each day as it comes. The day my DH brings home a smaller paycheck, then we can do something about it. For now we are looking for options, but I am not going to worry. Part of this peace may have come from the fact that we don't feel God releasing us from this church. I just had a feeling it would all work out, and miraculously, it is working out. When the discussion of pay cuts began, we started selling things on Craigslist. Halloween costumes, kids clothes, even a carfax report! We made enough cash to put in our cash envelopes for the next month! And it was only the middle of the month! I was looking forward to what God was going to do the next month to get us through! But we haven't had to get to that point yet...or have we? Our church couldn't decide how or where to cut the budget so that it would match what little was actually coming in. However, so far, there has been enough coming in to meet all our financial obligations! We're not out of the hole yet, but at least we're not digging any deeper.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me through this so I could learn to trust You more.

2. My husband & I have grown a lot closer through this. When you have a common enemy (whether it be people or situations), you become a solid team. I can't say I've been a great wife though. It took me a while to realize that I shouldn't nag him about petty things when he gets home from work, when he's been fighting battles all day long, putting out fires, listening to grouchy people, and trying to clear up lies. I'm thankful God opened my eyes to that one, or it could have gotten pretty ugly around here! I still don't know or understand all that he has shouldered in the last few months; thankfully he doesn't tell me all the gory details. That would make Sundays even harder, if I knew who said what.

Thank you, Lord, for answering our prayer.

3. God taught me how to keep my mouth shut. "Don't cast your pearls before swine" came to mind a lot. When people are critical and they're griping about things they don't understand, they don't want to hear your side of it. They are not open to correction, no matter how right you are. For some, it won't matter if you say anything at all. And being hateful or defensive back to them won't solve the problem either. Sometimes I ask questions to get them thinking of a different perspective, and sometimes I just offer my condolences and walk away. Except for one time I did confront some people who I heard griping & cussing--in the church! I calmly asked them if what they were doing was right. They said, "Yes it's right!" Then I quoted Scripture to them--"Let our conversations always be full of grace"--and stood there until they told me to go away. The next day one of them apologized to me. God gave me boldness that day!

Thank you Lord, for bringing me through this to begin to teach me discernment.

4. The Holy Spirit speaks to us, but it takes a while to recognize His voice. I'm starting to learn how to hear from Him. I'm so thankful for this because He has saved me from causing lots of damage with my words and actions, and especially attitudes. A wise pastor's wife told me once that it is our job just to love people. No matter what they say or do, or what you hear that they say or do, love them. That has been really really hard. There are some people I'd like to kick, and many that I wouldn't mind never seeing again. But what if they really are going to be in Heaven with me? Well, then that would be embarrassing. I am accountable to the Lord for my actions, just as they are for theirs. My actions and my reactions. Now there's something I need to work on! Add it to the list.

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me to hear Your voice.

Oh how He loves us!

Yes they'll know we are Christians by our love!

5. Several years ago, the church we were at went through some similar problems. People were telling stories about the pastor, and getting mad about things that didn't exist. I remember one time he brought me and someone else into his office to clear up a matter (we were all on staff). We had both said things about the other, and both had wrong information. The best way to handle it was to discuss it all together. At the time I thought that was pretty extreme--he was acting like it was such a big deal. Now I realize how important it is to search out the truth. Sometimes we make major decisions based on completely wrong information! A mature person will answer you with grace if you go to them, wanting to find the truth. I want to forever more have the boldness to go to someone to search out the truth. Especially if their reputation is in question. And even more especially if it makes me disrespect them or like them less. We have really discovered what people are made of through this ordeal. We especially appreciate those who, with sincere hearts, have called seeking the truth. Some people like the drama, and don't care about the carnage involved. I have been one of those people. Thank you Lord, for bringing me through this, to teach me compassion.

Good things are already happening. We've had several visitors in the last few weeks. Opportunities for ministry are opening up right under our noses. Things that "couldn't be done" because of finances are being accomplished with grassroots efforts. This is an exciting time to be a part of God's plan!!

I have learned so much. Well, I should say, God has tried to teach me so much. I will forget much of this and digress until some other situation teaches me again. Now I am ready to pull my head out of the sand and share God's love with people in need. We need some time to heal, to forgive, to be forgiven. Our cup is filling up again and will be overflowing soon!